


A Feather in His Cap

by food_forever_Hufflepuff



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Public Nudity, aawfc, asexual shitty knight, canon levels of insanity, canon typical nudity, just a bit more public
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 08:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16384547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/food_forever_Hufflepuff/pseuds/food_forever_Hufflepuff
Summary: One night in the life of Shitty and the men of SMH that will most likely go completely unnoticed by the cashier at the Murder Stop n Shop.





	A Feather in His Cap

The place: Murder Stop n Shop.   
The time: Ass O’clock.  
The clothing: None. Or, well, almost none. 

Shitty stood, butt ass naked in the eyes of God and anyone that might deign to look his direction, all but for the pirate hat planted firmly atop his magnificent flow, in front of the convenience store, which empty of all but employees at such an hour. In the distance, carried by the wind, he heard that song that plays in all Western standoffs, complete with the hawk cawing in the background. Well… maybe the hawk was a car alarm in this case, but it completed the picture nonetheless. 

The boys all sat in Jack’s car, cash in hand and ready to be exchanged at the slightest signal that Shitty might be giving up. Jack had agreed to drive (with the usual stipulation that Shitty put a towel down first) only after much cajoling, but had grown quite enthusiastic about the idea after the opportunity to win some money was presented to him. Shitty had lost a bet to Holster while drunk and, after having walked out on his last inebriated bet, honor must be restored. Ransom was there because he was betting Shitty would back out again. Johnson was there because “This really has nothing to do with the plot. I just really like getting name-dropped, ya feel?”

Right now, Shitty felt nothing but the gentle breeze on his… everything. 

He looked once more at the glowing yellow sign of the “stop n sop” (the h had recently stopped glowing and had, thus, stopped being pronounced by all good Wellies), took in once more that safe sight of the car full of grinning boys, all giving him a big thumbs up, and then made his slow, solitary march towards his fate. The jingle of a bell above the door greeted his entrance, cheerful in the face of what was yet to come. The cashier was not at their till and so were spared the sight for now and he was spared the nearly inevitable trip to jail that might have come with an early reveal.

He made his slow, purposeful rounds through the aisles of Murder Stop n Shop. They would have been hurried rounds, but somehow, things were hanging just a bit loose for him right now, and he felt the Shop and Sop did not offer quite the protection that the close-quartered Haus did at such times. He retrieved protein bar for Jack, a bag of microwave popcorn for Holster, Johnson wanted two Slim Jims…   
Now for his final task… Shitty slowly lowered his basket of trophies to the ground- his only armor willingly stripped away. He turned his ass to the register, his dick to the drink machine, grabbed the largest cup size they had, and reached for the slushy machine lever to fulfill Ransom’s wish. The cup filled so slowly. The ice rasped against the styrofoam like the scratching of racoons that cannot be seen. The sound was somehow comforting, in that it reminded him of the Haus, and terrifying, in that he would very much not like to be caught naked by a bunch of invisible raccoons.

Finally, the blue slush was at the top. Shitty carefully placed the lid on the cup and grabbed the straw, working against muscle memory to keep from opening it and sticking it in the drink right away. He once again retrieved his basket, then turned back towards the cash register. Immediately, he locked eyes with the cashier. He saw no mercy there. 

With a forced cheerful smile, Shitty approached the register and began placing his items on the counter to be scanned. At the end, the cashier, being the simple wheel in the grinding machine that is capitalism, unable to swerve from the proscribed script, asked with no preamble and just as little emotion, “Will that be all for you?” 

Now for the final task. Pushing the cash, plus an extra $20 for the cashier’s troubles, across the counter, Shitty took the straw, slammed the end of it on the counter to unwrap it, pulled the straw out with a flourish and stabbed it into his drink as though it was a sword to a scabbard. He then took the wrapper and tucked it into the band on his pirate hat and proclaimed, “No, good sir! That is all! I don’t need another feather in my cap!” then grabbed his bag and left. 

Jack later told him that those in the car could not see him for most of the ordeal, but they could see the counter and the cashier, who had walked up halfway through the slushy filling. From what they could tell from his face, Shitty’s greatest ordeal was just another night working at the Murder Stop n Shop.

**Author's Note:**

> You can pry ace Shitty from my cold, dead hands! No actual mentions of asexuality, but just some light-hearted fun.
> 
> Part of The Asexual Awareness Week Fandom Challenge
> 
> Prompts used: Western, convenience store, honor must be restored, pirate hat, the scratching of raccoons that cannot be seen, car alarm


End file.
